Dragonball Whorefest
by Veshira
Summary: Fandom: Beautiful, no? What happens when anime characters know about the world parallel to them; and get trapped there!


Disclaimer: YES! I RETURN! PWAHAHAHAHA! Let the fanfiction continue! 

**Section: Anime: (Mostly Dragonball and some Yugioh)  
Title: Dragonball Whorefest Genre: Comedy/Humor  
Rating: PG13/Teen  
Reason for rating: Mention of sex, soft yaoi (male+male kissing/hugging/holding hands), minor cussing, some violence

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Dragonball Whorefest

AKA "What happens when I spend an entire day looking at doujinshi for auction, read some KK+V fics, then get bored with Princess Maker 2 at 2:00am"

Cell, of all people (Narrator: "Androids are peoples too!" (holds up sign supporting androids)), is walking around the Lookout halls, making that sexy/annoying/creeky sound that he makes when he walks. (Jess: Duh, cause he's walking! (gets hit with something) Oof!) "AH-HA!" The tall, green, buglike, android with the head dress and the black polkadots all over 'em sai-OUCH! (got hit with a frying pan) QUIT HITTING ME! (Author holds up a baseball bat) (Narrator gulps). So, anyway, he says "AH-HA!" when he finds the right room with the computer in it. Goku's already at it, though. "DAMN!" Cell cries and pouts, stomping around all crazy in the room. Goku doesn't even look his way, watching the screen, and making glances to the keyboard when he types something every now and then. The android suddenly becomes curious. "What are you doing?" Cell says as he peers over the Saiyan's shoulder.

"Typing with Vegeta" he replies.

"You mean 'chatting' with him" Cell corrects.

"Uh huh. . ." The Saiyan glances down at the keyboard again as he types something in reply to Vegeta.

"Hey, are you going to be done anytime soon?"

Goku didn't respond.

Cell sighed, and annoyedly stated "I was going to look for more scans of "Slam Dunk Z".

"Oh yeah! That was a real funny doujinshi!"

"So shove over! I need to get in. . ."

"Well, okay, but don't take too long. Vegeta's still typing with me!"

"'Chatting'" Cell corrected, as he took the vacant seat and minimized the window, then went straight to google's image search and entered "Slam Dunk Z." "Dammit! They only have one image for it? What about the site we originally got the scans from?"

Goku shrugged. "I dunno."

Cell pasted the doujinshi with Slam Dunk Z in it, and pasted it into the google image search bar. He got nothing. "Shoot. I'll just use the regular google web search then." He switched to "Web" and checked out the sites. "Aka Tombo Books, I was just there. . . Let's try 'Aino Anime Trader'. . ." He clicks. "God dammit! HTTP 404, not found. Urg. . ." He clicks back, and clicks the last site on the list. "Search Result. . . JPQueen? Oh look! There's two 'Atenige' doujin, by the same author."

Goku was looking over his shoulder. "Cool! Are there any scans?" Cell went to the "ATENIGE ! bangaihen Gekitotsuteki Tousou" link and scrolled down the page to the scans. "Hey look! It's me, Vegeta and the boys! Uh oh, he doesn't look too happy. . ."

"He looks pissed." Cell laughed.

"Yeah, you know something's wrong with him when his hair goes all crazy like that. . ." Goku sweatdropped.

Cell went back to the other page and checked out 'ATENIGE! 2'. "Oh look, these scans have roman text instead of the Japanese writing."

"Hey, yeah! That'll make it easier to read, won't it?"

They both stare at the scans, reading the text.

"Uhh, Cell, I don't know Japanese."

"It's because you're dubbed."

Goku points at the screen. "Who's that with the orange hair and the mustage? It looks like one of Freeza's henchman?"

"That's not a mustage. That's Vegeta with his mouth open! See the widow's peak?"

"Oh! Are you sure? A lot of aliens have widows peaks. . ."

"Yeah, but Vegeta's infamous blood vessal is sticking out of his forehead on the next page."

"What's 'Sonna mede miru naaaaa' mean?"

"How should I know? I'm dubbed. I don't know Japanese. Hmmm. . ." Cell goes to the main page with the Dragon Ball Z fan merchandise.

"Whatcha doing?"

"I'm going to see what else fans draw in their doujinshi. Let's see, 'Dragonball'. . . Daizenshuu. . . Wait a minute, what's this? 'Dawn Chorus?'"

"That doesn't look like Dragonball. The cover's too artistic. . ."

Cell clicks the link and checks out the page. "Yeah, it is Dragonball. There's a scan of you a Piccolo." He glances at the description and grins. "A yaoi doujinshi of Dragon Ball, Piccolo x Gokuu."

"Urh!" Goku chirped oddly. "Another one of me and Piccolo? Why?"

Cell was checking out the main page again, and he said, half chuckling "Oh my god, look at all the yaoi with you and Piccolo-" He cracked up at the end of his sentence. "One Piccolo, two Piccolo, three Piccolo, four-oh no, wait. This one's just a gag doujin. And the rest are just manga novels." Goku sighed in relieve, but too soon, because Cell grinned as he clicked the "unavalibe items" list. Goku gaped when Cell started scrolling down the page. "Hmm. . . These are mostly gags. . . What's this. 'Colored?' 'GohanxTrunks.' Is the Gohan the one with the flower on his head?"

"I. . . I don't know. That doesn't look anything like Gohan" Goku said flatly.

"Oh looky! 16! WAH! Okay, next is another bunch of gags. . . Ooh! 'Full Battle 2!' 'Dragon Ball serious story doujinshi, Gokuu x Vegita x Trunks!' Sounds exciting!"

"Ahhh. . ." Goku muttered, not as excited.

"'Hana Yuugi-'. . . GAH! Piccolo with flowers! RUN!" Cell goes back to the next page, Goku's getting bored. "'Hattari Battle Yarou,' 'Dragon Ball gag doujinshi, Vegita x Trunks.' Uh huh, yeah, but you're on the cover, too, so I bet you're in it! HAA!"

"Urh. . ."

"Vegeta, Vegeta, oh look! Another PiccoloxGoku yaoi lovers story! HAA!"

"Great! Whatever. . ."

"Oh, and look. . . The SEQUEL!"

"That's great, Cell, now can you please hurry up with this? Vegeta's still typing with me! I don't want him to get bored waiting! Like I am. . ."

Cell tilted his head at Goku, then smiled. "Don't worry, I have an idea that'll keep him busy for a while. . ."

Chat-mode: Rawr-  
-  
-Cell: What? Your nickname is 'Kako?' Why?  
-Goku: Well. . . Son Goku was already taken, and so was Goku; weird huh?  
-Cell: Yeah, it's weird when the fanboys and girls own you. . . Anyway, why 'Kako'  
-Goku: Well, I was going to put "Kakarot," but then I realized I couldn't spell it, so. . .  
-Cell: So you put 'Kako?' Why not 'Kaka'  
-Goku: I wasn't sure how to spell it.  
-Cell: Whatever. . . Oh look, and Vegeta's 'LordVegetaSaiyajinnooujisama'. . "  
-Goku: Don't you think it sounds a 'little' cocky"  
-Cell-: I know he is, which is why this is going to work. (grins) (types) 'Say Vegeta, what's it like being the Prince of all Saiyans"  
-Vegeta: (immediately starts typing something)  
-Goku: (sweatdrops)  
-Cell: Bingo! (looks back on the other page) Anyway, ow, look at all the yaoi doujinshi with you in it! (laughs)  
-Goku: Yeah, I know. (sweatdrops)  
-Cell: PikkoroxGokuh, GokuhxVejita, CacarotxVegeta. . .  
-Goku: Yeah, they spell our names weird. . .  
-Cell: These pairings are funny as hell! Oh look, TurlesxCacarotxGokuh. Ha! You do it with yourself!  
-Goku: (sweatdrops)  
-Cell: Heh. . . Goku, you little whore. You do it with Vegeta, Piccolo and yourself! Ha! And Turles, too!  
-Goku: Guh, well, that's just doujinshi. You should see the fanfiction.  
-Cell: Do you screw Vegeta, Piccolo and. . . YOURSELF? HA!  
-Goku: Err, well. . . I don't know about Piccolo or. . . myself, but there are a LOT of fics with me and Vegeta. . .  
-Cell: HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
-Goku: Hey! It's not fun-. . . Okay, it's funny. . . sorta. But it's not my fault I'm so handsome. (hmph)  
-Cell: (cools down) Yeah, whatever. So, who else do they pair you up with?  
-Goku: Well. . . I think I've been paired up with Gohan. . .  
-Cell: WHOA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
-Goku: . . . And also with Trunks, the older one.  
-Cell: With Mirai? That ladies' man? Oh boy, for him to get paired up in doujinshi. . . Who else is he put with?  
-Goku: Well, older Trunks, he's also been with Gohan-. . .  
-Cell: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
-Goku: . . . Gohan from his time, Goten and young Trunks, 17. . .  
-Cell: GAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 17! Oh my god, I think I'm going to die. . .  
-Goku: . . . And Vegeta, too. Oh, and me.  
-Cell: (stops) And you? Okay. . . (glances at the screen to see a message saying Vegeta finally finished his insanely long paragraph about what it's like to be the Saiyajin no ouji, only for it to be too long for AIM so he's sending it by e-mail) What about Vegeta? Does he get any in these "yaoi" fics?  
-Goku: Phew, oh boy, Vegeta. . .  
-Cell: Oh, I can tell this is going to be good. (sits back in wheelchair and gets comfy) Okay, go!  
-Goku: Vegeta's gotten it worst with the yaoi fics. Not only is he the most likely to end up in a rape fic-. . .  
-Cell: HAAA!  
-Goku: . . . He's also been changed into a girl for most fics, and is the character who has been pregnant the most as a male.  
-Cell: WHAT! WHAT? Did you say Vegeta's been pregnant in fanfiction? And he WASN'T a girl for those! Oh, this is priceless. Vegeta, you whore. HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
-Goku: Uhhh. . .  
-Cell: (cough) Go on, go on! Who's the lady slept with?  
-Goku: Well, Vegeta's mostly paired up with me and Trunks-. . .  
-Cell: HA!  
-Goku: But with Trunks, those are rape fics and it can be either one on the other. Same with me and Vegeta, only we don't normally. . . "rape" each other. . .  
-Cell: Too bad. Boo!  
-Goku: Vegeta's also been paired up with Gohan, Goten, both Trunks, Broli-. . .  
-Cell: Broli?  
-Goku: "Broli", Yamcha, which are both normally some sort of "against their will" things, and Frieza. . . and I think that's it.  
-Cell: FRIEZA!  
-Goku: Yeah, oh, and some Zarbon ones, and also Nappa and Radditz-. . .  
-Cell: DAMN! That Vegeta really sleeps around if he's done it with Frieza!  
-Goku: Well, normally those are rape fics. . .  
-Cell: Of course! Vegeta loves getting raped!  
-Goku: But the scariest ones are when he's WILLING!  
-Cell: . . . . With Frieza?  
-Goku: Yeah.  
-Cell: EWWWWW! . . . What about me?  
-Goku: Oh, you're not in any fics, though there was this one doujinshi of you and me. . . and a fanart of you holding a naked Piccolo in bondage.  
-Cell: That's good, right?  
-Goku: Depends. . .  
-Cell: Ahh. . . Wait, how do you know all this. . ?  
-Goku: Uhh, well, it's funny! (forced laugh)Y-you see. . . uhhhhh. . .  
-(long, awkward silence)  
-Goku:There was also a picture of Vegeta in a dress by the same artist.  
-Cell: HAAAA!  
-Vegeta: (replies) Kako?  
-Cell: (glances at the computer)  
-Goku: Oh, Vegeta's still typing with me. Let me in. . .  
-Cell: (doesn't move; watches the screen)  
-Vegeta: (replies) Kako, you still there?  
-Cell: (gleems evily at the keyboard; responds) 'Vegeta, you're such a whore'  
-Vegeta: (replies) WTF? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
-Cell: (types) You've slept with Goku, little and old Trunks, Goten, Gohan, and even Frieza!  
-Goku: Uhhh, maybe you shouldn't. . .  
-Vegeta: WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT?  
-Cell: 'Oh come now, Vegeta, don't be so modest. I know you slept around, you dirty monkey. Who else's bed have you been in'  
-Vegeta: (replies)  
-Cell: (reads replies) And Vegeta says, oh, "You sick freak. I'm going to come up there and knock some scene into your empty head, you sick perverted-" Oh oh! That's some sort of swear word, isn't it? (points)  
-Goku: Uh oh. . . (looks worried)  
-Cell: (types) What's the matter, Vegeta, skipped your period?  
-Vegeta: (replies back with a number of swear words which would have raised the rating on this fic)  
-Goku: (sweatdrops like he's gonna die) Uhhhh. . .  
-Cell: (types) Ooh my! Such bad language. Naughty, Vegeta, naughty!  
-Goku: I think I'm in trouble now.  
-Cell: I suggest bomb sheltering it before Vegeta gets here, but that's just me. Seeya! (high tails it)  
-Goku: HEY! (tails after him)

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And that is chapter one of Dragonball Whorefest. More on the way! It's good to be writing again! I apologize for the format being so messed up. The next chapter will be better. There's another version of this fic on FanFicton DOT Net. Please review! People who want to be in the fic, please e-mail me or review! You'll need to tell me what sort of fan you are, so here's a list.

Name: (what you're known as online)  
Gender: (boy, girl, both, neither)  
Race: (human, alien, demon, whatever)  
Fanwork on server: (Yes or No; do you have any fanfiction avalible on the internet? Please link to where I can find them!)


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